yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
