she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
