My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
