if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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