Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
