I just made out with a guy for $7.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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