So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Randomize
