wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
