we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
