The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
