I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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