And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
