For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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