I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
