There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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