Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
