I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
