you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
