If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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