So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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