You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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