She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
