I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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