He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
