Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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