I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
