You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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