Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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