Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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