new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
