i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
