We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
