What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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