I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
