Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
