and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
