Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
