I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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