I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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