So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm like, not good at living.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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