Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
