About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
