If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
