He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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