So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
