this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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