I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
