people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
