I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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