so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
