Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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